Maiden Voyage

The belly of the whale is a place of transformation, it’s a place of death, it’s a place one has to journey through before finding new and brighter shores.  Currently I find myself there.  Yesterday marked the first day in over 7 years that my boys slept not by my choice in another place without me. Some of you know, many of you don’t, but I find myself somewhere that I never expected to be…a separated, single dad.  A little over six months ago I turned 40.  If you told me then that in those six months I’d go from not perfectly but believed happily married to separated, from worrying about normal things like what to do with the kids this weekend to drawing up a separation agreement  outlining terms on sharing custody of my two boys, I would have said you were absolutely insane,  nuts, on something.  But in the darkness of this whale, the little light that I have undeniably reveals to me that this is now where I am.    

So last night I found myself sitting in a house all alone…but not alone.  I know now more than ever before that there is one who walks beside you no matter down which path you find yourself journeying. This space is going to be a place just for me. A place where there will be so many various and different emotions and experiences.  Heart break and joy, healing and brokenness, pain, sorrow, grief, laughter, joy, and peace.   A place where I process the journey I’m embarking upon. Maybe you’ll check in once in a while and see where I am.  It’s a journey to wholeness. It’s a journey toward healing.  It’s a journey fraught with mountains and valleys, peaks and cliffs, traps and snares.  But it’s a journey just for me. Hopefully it’ll be a blessing in some small way to someone out there.  But right know I’m staying in the belly of the whale because it’s my path to transformation. The journey started five months ago when my world shattered into a thousand pieces. One day it’ll end with this whale’s jaws opening and finding myself spewed upon a bright new shore.

I’m really not sure what all I’ll post here.  Probably thoughts and experiences along my journey.  Maybe things that help me get through it all and and troubles I encounter along the way.  Last night the song below along with a close friend helped me along the first steps of this new journey.