Have you ever wondered why God hates divorce? There aren’t many stronger words than hate. But there it is in the book of Malachi…”I hate divorce.” Let me be clear and unequivocal from the start. I don’t believe for a millisecond that God hates people who have or are getting a divorce. He’s not in the business of hating divorced people so hang with me till the end.
At its heart divorce is the ending of a relationship between two people. In America there is a divorce basically every 32 seconds. Staring one of these square in the face has got me thinking a lot about it recently. Yesterday my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. I almost made it to 17 and expected one day I’d match them. It’s a monumental milestone and now more than ever I realize just what an accomplishment it is.
If I’m honest with myself, there are times when I feel like I’m slowly being ripped apart. Like the fibers of my being are being stretched and pulled and rearranged…and it hurts. I don’t think I was made for divorce and it’s been a struggle to get my head around. It wasn’t something I wanted, expected, or ever imagined I would need to figure out how to explain to my kids. But here I am, needing to figure out how I come to terms with it.
See I know God. I mean I know him…I know how he loves, I know what he stands for, and what he’s willing to do to love you. And that’s got me perplexed because more than anything in this world I want to love like he does. I’ve known the secret to life and that this is where it is. It is not an easy path, nor one for the faint of heart. And lest you think me some kind of saint, I fail at it miserably. My kids, my family and relatives, my friends, and colleagues could all tell you. They all drive me crazy at times and I them, as I’m sure yours do too. I do not always chose the path and speak the words of life when I could. I get angry, I get frustrated, am petty, and choose self preservation over love daily.
So the God of the universe, the one who has made more sense of my world than anything I’ve ever experienced in this life hates something I’m about to partake in. So yes, I’ve been thinking a lot about this and have stumbled upon a few things. I think divorce is the utter opposite of love. God is love and I don’t know if God so much emotionally hates divorce as much as divorce is just the opposite of all of who God is.
One of God’s friends wrote a lot about love and his words have been used in countless wedding ceremonies over the centuries. When I think of his words I think of a perfect portrait of how God loves. It has helped me see a little more clearly how and why I think God hates divorce. It’s because divorce is the direct opposite of every defining characteristic of real, true love.
Love is patient…divorce has exhausted all capacity for tolerance and acceptance.
Love is kind…divorce extinguishes consideration and compassion for the other.
Love is does not envy, does not boast, is not proud….divorce codifies a lack of contentment as irreconcilable differences.
Love does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking….divorce pits two people trying to protect their own interests against one another.
Love is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs…divorce is the dead end at a list of wrongs.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…divorce is giving up on all of these things.
Love never fails…divorce is the utter failure of love.
God doesn’t hate divorce like you or I hate this or that thing. And he certainly does not hate people who find themselves divorcing. There are valid reasons and times to divorce. But He is love and love is the opposite of divorce. Love never gives up. Love is always standing on the porch watching and waiting to see if the lost child will turn for home. Love leaves 99 sheep to go after one that is lost.
At the end of the day I think I’m beginning to realize why I’m having a difficult time with this. I’m supposed to. Divorce is the opposite of all I’ve come to experience in God. It’s not how love is supposed to work. I think it’s okay for me to not be okay with it. But it’s not okay for me to not face it. I don’t know exactly what the future holds. I’m not always sure the right step to take. The road is hard and tricky and there aren’t a ton of guides who’ve been down the exact path I’m on. But that God who hates divorce…I’m even more sure of how he feels about me. He loves me in all those ways I mentioned above. He loves me perfectly and is so patient and kind. He’s always protecting me, hoping, and trusting. I know even if I don’t do this perfectly, he’s going to be there, enduring each misstep…slowly guiding me to the path each time I stumble. He’s going to walk with me. There’s a future out there for me and it’s bright…this I know because he’s the light of it and his love never, ever fails. Perfect love never does…and it shatters all fear of the future.
From The Whale's Belly 