Divorce is horrible. Mine is probably the most civil, child focused, and least acrimonious one you could have and for that I know I am beyond blessed. My kids are going to have the absolute best shot at getting through this as healthily and happily as possible. But even in the midst of being able to work together, talk and be around each other to the point that we still run into people at the kids’ school, sports teams etc that don’t know we aren’t still married…even in all that it is still earth shattering for the kids. I’m not sure I can explain what it is like fully to see your child hurt and not be able to fix it, to be able to make it better for them, to just envelop them and provide every assurance that they are heard and all their concerns will be addressed. It’s such a hard lesson to learn so young that there are some things that can’t be fixed. That some times you don’t get to choose everything and all you are left with is broken pieces that you try to patch into something that seems beautiful. But kids…they know…and they have a way of cutting things right through to the center. At the end it’s still a broken, shattered vessel glued back together.
The Japanese have a name for the art of repairing broken pottery. It’s the beautiful word kintsukuroi. Instead of lessening an items value and worth, when broken and repaired the bowl is held in higher esteem. The moment it was dropped and shattered, that’s when the true life of the bowl began. The practice is to often fill the repaired cracks with gold as it’s glued back together. And then see, the belief is that something that has a history, that has been bruised, shattered, and pieced back together again is a more beautiful a piece of art and example of a bowl than one in pristine and perfect condition.
I pray that you never have to try to explain to your child why you can’t all be together as a family, why they have to spend some days here and some days there, that you never have to walk away as they leave upset or that you are ever not there to address a hurt. Regardless of how civil and friendly a split up you have, for them it is still a family shattering. It most certainly pulls at the chords of all they know and the security they have placed in the family bond. It’s unsettling for them to be sure and all you have as a parent is to assure them that you will be with them in this, that they are so strong, more than they know, and that they are truly and forever loved my the two most important people in their lives. Unfortunately I don’t have the answers for how to wave a wand and make everything better. But these things are the glues of gold that allow us to piece things back together more beautiful than before.
Not too long ago, the only one with any of the answers told me a few things about my sons. And I hang on to them with all that is in me and I know them to be true. He will make it so and I believe him on this. He said to me through Isaiah 54…
“”All your sons will be taught of the LORD; And the well-being of your sons will be great. “In righteousness you will be established; You will be far from oppression, for you will not fear; And from terror, for it will not come near you. “If anyone fiercely assails you it will not be from Me. Whoever assails you will fall because of you. “Behold, I Myself have created the smith who blows the fire of coals And brings out a weapon for its work; And I have created the destroyer to ruin. “No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD”
There are a few things here that immediately took grip upon my heart and spirit. First they will be taught of him and their well-being will be great. I don’t know when and I don’t know how and I know I have a part to play but they will be great. The second thing that leaped out was that God created the smith that brings out a weapon for its work. He is weaponizing me daily and the weapon is his love. It’d can’t be stopped, contained, or defended against and that weapon is me. The weapons formed against me will fail. Finally this is all my heritage. I come from a long line of family that have sought to honor and trust and believe in God in the face of whatever came their way. Some of the time they did well and sometimes they failed and fell short. But that heritage will not be denied and will flow through and into my sons’ lives.
So I don’t know what the future holds or how I’ll lead them through it all. But I know that I’ve been promised their well-being and even in the midst of difficult times where it doesn’t seem like everything is well, in the end he’s faithful to bring it about. He’s got gold in his hands and he’s gluing broken pieces back together. It’ll happen this I know not because the Bible told me so but because he’s real and he told me so.
If you’re out there and have been dropped and you are looking at a pile of the shattered pieces of what’s left of your life, just know that it may be that your true life is finally about to begin. And if the remnants of what’s staring back at you appear ugly and you can’t seem to find any value…just remember that God’s economy is not that of this worlds. Sometimes broken, shattered things, once repaired are the most beautiful examples of a life that the potter has ever fired. You are becoming his masterpiece.
From The Whale's Belly 