The Fire….

It’s funny how your body, soul, and spirit, even your subconscious can sense a tectonic shift in reality even before your mind.  I remember my first such experience.  My dad was jolted awake in the middle of the night by a call from the police. I was asleep, safe, secure in my bed. But as soon as I woke up that morning I knew somehow our world had shifted. For my whole life I had only known my father as the owner of a dry cleaners in our hometown of Greenville NC.  It was who we were as a family, and what we did…all of us. I had started working there at the age of 13. When you own a dry cleaners there is one thing you fear above all else and that call in the early hours of that summer morning confirmed one of my dad’s worst nightmares…there had been a fire.

I remember pulling up in my car and all of my family was just standing outside of the cleaners. The smell is scorched into my memory. Just ash and soot and water.  The building was structurally sound, in fact I’m not sure it wasn’t the water that did the most damage, but it would be months and months before that smell would be gone. People’s clothes were ruined, some never to be recovered. Standing outside I remember a man driving up and getting angry because he could not get his dress shirts. I wanted to punch him in the face. I remember lawyers showing up and leaving their business cards. And I remember not knowing what would happen to us next. And then a funny thing happened. People just started showing up. People from church and people from the community.  People who loved us. People who loved my dad.  People who respected him. People he had given jobs when they were students. People he had given jobs when they were going through hard times. Every other dry cleaner in town stopped by to offer their help. All that day I can’t remember a time that there wasn’t someone there standing outside with us.

Just a smattering of the people who worked for my dad

That whole summer was a blur as we tried to get back on our feet. Claims had to be paid and tracked. Repairs had to be done. Lawyers indeed eventually had to be enlisted. My dad and I never really talked about it…but I know what worried him more than anything. All the employees and people that depended on him and the business he had built for their livelihood were what kept him up at night. In the end we would all be okay.  But I learned a valuable lesson that summer. In the midst of all that soot and ash, there was beauty to be found. Our family was closer than it had every been before.  It’s still one of the best summer memories I have as a family. Heartache, destruction, despair, and fighting to overcome adversity has a way to bring out the best in you. It did in us. It also forced my dad and our family forward into a new, less known future.

That was probably 23 years ago. Since then I’ve watched some other things burn down around me. I’ve sat in the soot and ash and seen people show up to stand beside me when all I saw was destruction. One thing I’ve learned is that it is important to let the people in your life know just how much they have meant to you as best you can, while you can. I know my dad just like all those people did. He has a good heart, always trying his best to do what is right and true and what would help his fellow man. He was consistent and trustworthy and always putting others above himself.  He did that because he was always trying to figure out what his God would want him to do. I am sure there are things he’d probably do differently if he could turn back the hands of time but dad you were and are a good man.

People sometimes ask me how I’ve been able to get through all that’s happen recently as well as I have. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. The bulk could be laid at the feet of my dad and mom. I can pinpoint 3 events that I attribute much of my success.  The first was watching my dad get back up and handle the fire. It didn’t change who he was and it showed me that you can walk through a fire and come out the other side dirty, bruised but not broken.  The other two go way back to my college days.  One occurred in a Wendy’s parking lot in Lavonia GA when my dad and mom left me at college. I remember wanting to get back to the new life in front of me but I also remember the hugs and words exchanged. And we never talked about it, but my mom told me years and years later how my dad had cried on the way home. My dad let me go to find and face the future in front of me even though it hurt. He had already given me a foundation built on God but I met Him more and developed a fuller, more authentic relationship with Him during my college years. I’ve leaned on it completely in the last two years and it’s what has gotten me through more than any other thing. Even dime and ounce of sweat my parents worked for and put toward my education and spiritual development I’ve cherished and it’s paying dividends for my children and I now tenfold. The second was four short years later standing outside our house when my dad and mom let me go again. They were crazy enough to let me drive across the county alone to move to California. I’m not sure if either of them realized what they were giving me back then but it was the ability and tools to face an unknown future. To saddle up and embark upon an unknown road, a unclear path, a trail not traveled down before. It’s why I look forward to the unknown in front of me now even though if I’m honest I’m scared. Because I know from experience that I’ve got the tools, strength, faith, and a Guide to lead me through any unchartered territory.

So Dad this one is for you. You did well. You should be very proud. You have always been enough, and Amy and I were so lucky to have you. Caleb and Daniel…they couldn’t ask for a better grandpa and they love you dearly.  Sons and dads always have a funny relationship.  We want to learn from you and you have so much to teach us, but we also need independence and space to learn and grow.  We want to beat you at everything and you don’t want to lose or let us win. And sometimes we just get in each other’s way. Probably more than anything sons want to make their dads proud and dad you’ve let me know that I have.  But even more than that…know you’ve made me proud. You’ve lived well and been a fine example of how to live an abundant life. I always assumed one day I’d be celebrating 50 plus years of marriage like you and mom. Now I know you gave me a heritage of something even better. You gave me the ability to stand up under any storm. The strength, resilience, and fortitude to rush head long into the unknown, to face any hurt, any pain, and to take up the trail in front of me and blaze it. I know more than anything that you’d wish you could take away every hurt and pain. It’s what I want to do for my boys. But you’ve done better and I’ll be forever grateful for your part in helping make me into the man I am today. Love you Dad!