I always knew this day was coming….I just didn’t know the time nor the place. I didn’t know if it would be days, months, or years but I knew it was coming for many reasons. When I started my blog it was with the story of Jonah planted firmly in my head. See Jonah got dragged somewhere he never intended to go, never wanted to go. He tried to run and ended up in the belly of a whale, in the dark, wet and cold. He couldn’t see where he was going, he didn’t know if he would die. He was stuck, buried in the deep. He had completely and totally lost all control. He was powerless and along for the ride. In the Christian and Jewish traditions the story of Jonah has always pointed to something more. It a story of rebirth…of death and resurrection…of becoming who you where always made to be. Jesus even alluded to this in the gospels when people began asking for a sign and he said the only sign they would get was the sign of Jonah, that just as Jonah was in the belly of the whale, so would he be buried in the heart of the earth for 3 days. I don’t know why it is that way, but some times God uses these types of times to take you to a new and distant shore. To a reality beyond where you could have gotten before.
It’s been a tough journey, and there will still be hard days ahead I’m sure. But this past week I had a bit of an epiphany during a time of reflection, thinking and meditation. It was almost like a viewing from the outside and I saw myself and I just knew I was okay. I was looking down at myself and I could see me. I wasn’t hurt….wasn’t wounded. I was okay. I have found peace and happiness even in the midst of heartache and pain. I owe it all to him and the people, so many of you, that have loved me and been there for me in so many ways. I now find myself like Jonah spit upon a distant shore. I’ve learned a lot about myself, about life, about God, about every thing and I can truly say I’m a better version of myself. I’m excited about the future in front of me whatever it may hold. God has refined me, stripped away things and brought me back to others and I’m so grateful for his presence in my life. There’s a realness to him. He’s close to the brokenhearted. Many of you know this firsthand. Others of you will find out some day in the future.
If you are out there and going through some hard times, I want to share just a few things I’ve learned along the way.
- It’s okay to be broken. Brokenness is not weak, not ugly, not to be hidden or swept away. Read the story in the gospels of the woman who broke the bottle of perfume over Jesus’ feet. People were shocked, thought it was too extravagant, should have been sold for the poor, and on and on. But Jesus thought it was sweet. Your brokenness that feels weak and sad and ugly to you and maybe others, God sees it as the sweetest offering there could ever be. It moves him like nothing else. You can break yourself open before him and pour it all out….all the hurt, all the pain, heartache, anger, sadness, doubt fear, all of it. Every last ounce. He sees it as beautiful….this I know beyond the shadow of a doubt.
- There’s always a resurrection to be had. God is always seeking to redeem and bring dead things back to life. Since the dawn of time he has been breathing grace into things…into nothing, into nobodies, into deadness….and he makes life. You can find life in the midst of your death. I promise it’s there. It may not look like you wished it to, or how you think it should be, but there can be new life.
- I know he’s a God of resurrection because he borrowed his own tomb. Too often when we go through horrible things we buy a casket. Jesus borrowed a tomb because he wasn’t planning on staying there. In heartache and despair, borrow that space, don’t buy real estate there. But do die. You have to go through the death to ever get to life. You can’t have resurrection without death. But don’t fall into the trap of staying dead forever. Jesus borrowed his tomb and when you follow him, he asks us to do the same. Sometimes the scariest part is actually coming back to life. But you can do it.
- It’s okay to heal. Sometimes you can get comfortable in the pain. It’s easier sometimes to stay there than it is to go forward to new life and the unknown that is there. See in the pain…you know what you’ve got and you can kind of control it. But in healing…well you start walking again and there’s always the chance for more pain. You learn that control and safety was just an illusion to begin with but the only way to true abundant life is to forge ahead even if it’s imperfect, even if you have to make yourself vulnerable and open yourself up to whatever life throws at you. You could get hurt again some day but when you walk all the way through the pain you tool yourself with the capability of getting through anything.
- When you get hurt you often find two paths before you….becoming a victim or victimizing the other. Both are traps. I think Jesus may just have come to teach us more about how to suffer and experience pain than anything else. He didn’t become a victim and he didn’t victimize and seek revenge on those who killed him or his followers who turned their backs on him. It’s a tough, tough path and you won’t walk it perfectly but if you follow his lead, you will do well.
- If you don’t transform your pain, you will transmit it. Every….single….time. Hurt people hurt people. It’s one of the hardest lessons and pieces of this to accomplish. And it’s lifelong. I still have pain that will creep up on me out of seemingly nowhere…but if you take it in, sit with it, and transform it…you won’t transmit to those you love most around you.
- Pick healthy habits as you go through hard times. What you train your brain to help you cope will be wired in you for years and years to come. For me it has been running and music. I now naturally crave both when I’m stressed.
- Go to therapy. It’s not weak. It’s not something to be ashamed of. We all need help and mine has been a great source of encouragement and wisdom.
- Sleep is more important than you realize. Everything is exponentially harder when I’m tired. You have to take care of yourself to be of good to anyone else and sleep and rest is vital.
- Don’t look for a finish line. Just keep running, walking, stumbling with one foot in front of the other. One day you’ll look up and not find that you’re there, but look back and see just how far you’ve come.
There’s more….but a top ten seemed fitting. Your distant shore is out there. There’s a life beyond what you thought was only death and destruction. It’s not all promised to be good. Life isn’t going to always be good or fair. But it can be abundant. It’s a narrow path but it’s not impassable when you have a good guide.
From The Whale's Belly 